Are You Crazy, Lady?!?

Fast forward a week or so to a Friday, my last day of work before going out on disability. I had a routine appointment with the midwife at my doctor's office. Just a basic appointment: get your weight taken, blood pressure, all the vitals, talk for a few minutes about how you're feeling, and you're out.

Ummm….

Yeah right!

First of all, this is me. It's never going to be that simple. (I'm fully self aware and completely own this about myself. In fact, I embrace it!) Now, add in a bit of stress, continued bleeding, no definite answers, a difficult work situation to deal with, and basically feeling like you're going out of your F'ing mind, on top of being a hormonal pregnant lady. This appointment was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I had a bit of an emotional, crying, cursing, breakdown with the midwife at that appointment. She was super sweet and continued to hand me tissues as I bawled my eyes out and she listened to me vent my frustrations. Dustin sat in the corner looking like he was either humiliated or had NO idea how to even respond. At one point I looked at him and said, "I don't know. Babe, what do you think? Do you have anything to add?"And he just looked at me like I was crazy and said "No."

I won't go into all of the details of that story and I'll spare you the "F" words and "B" words and everything else that came out of my mouth. What I will tell you is that I asked for a second opinion. I was fed up with being told from more than one medical professional that they simply did not know what was going on with me. Remember my previous story about being your own health advocate?? Sometimes in life…not just with your health, but with anything…you gotta just take the bull by the horns and be a boss and take care of business! So, that's what I did.

I had done a bit of research (ok, a lot of research) and had been able to break it down to my condition most likely being one of three things. I wasn't even asking for a precise answer. I just wanted to at least hear someone acknowledge that yes, there are two or three things we think this could be; you have symptoms of one or two or even three of these things. I was NOT, however, going to be content in hearing these people continue to tell me "I don't know." I was prepared to take myself to a specialist at UC Davis downtown or San Francisco. I didn't care how much it cost me. What I did care about was getting something other than an, "I don't know."

So, this kind and very adept-at-bedside manner-midwife helped me schedule an appointment with another doctor at Sutter Davis before I jumped ship and took matters into my own hands.

Allowing myself to have a mental breakdown that day turned out to be a very good decision - even if my husband may have thought I was starting to lose my mind!